I assume you’re reading this blog because you are at yourwit’s end and searching for answers. Perhaps you have a teenager with autism spectrum disorder who still has meltdowns and acts inappropriately in public and with others. Despite years of OT, speech, ABA and special education services, your child still cannot wrangle their emotions. When your child was younger, their behavior was accepted as a part of the diagnosis. However, acceptance for angry outbursts from peers, employers, and other adults diminishes as your child gets older.
Your child will be expected to successfully manage emotionsand behaviors as they become adults. Failure to master this important skill can have a serious impact on their future success. This blog explains why self-regulation is an important executive function skill that your child needs for their future.
1. Managing behavior opens doors. Not managing behavior closes doors.
Society expects all of us to behave a certain way,regardless of whether we have a disability. Behaving according to society’s rules is not conforming or changing who we are. Society’s rules create order and help us navigate different situations. If your child develops self-management skills to control emotions and behavior, doors will open. Your child will have access to learning opportunities, job possibilities, and different types of friends. People who are polite, well-mannered, and respectful are accepted into different aspects of society.
Alternatively, if your child cannot manage emotions, theywill be excluded from many opportunities. Unpredictable outbursts, angry meltdowns, screaming, and saying mean things out of anger will not be accepted.No matter how tolerant or accepting the other person is initially, they will eventually grow tired of this behavior and exclude your child. Employers will not be able to hire your child for public-facing roles. Employers will also not be able to keep your child employed if other employees are affected by inappropriate behavior. While federal disability laws protect your child’s right to have certain accommodations in the workplace, the law does not protect inappropriate or violent behavior.
2. Being pleasant and likable builds relationships. Yelling, hitting, and lashing out in rage destroy relationships.
Social relationships can be hard for children with ASD. Managing emotions and adapting to change can add complicated layers to navigating different social situations. However, if your child learns basic manners, and is polite and likeable, they can learn to build relationships. Relationships can grow and develop in the workplace, as friendships, at school, and as romantic relationships. Many people are tolerant of differences in others and do not expect everyone to conform or be exactly the same. This is especially true as your child gets older and deals with more mature people.
Building relationships takes time and work. Destroying relationships can happen in just one ugly outburst. If your child reacts in rage, says mean things out of anger, or turns on a dime when provoked, other people will not trust them. If your child does not learn how to manage their own emotions, they may always be excluded from different types of social situations. They will not understand the reason for not being accepted, whichwill lead to confusion and hopelessness about their life situation.
3. Society expects everyone to manage their behavior. Society punishes people who cannot manage their behavior.
When children are young, adults may be more forgiving about certain behaviors. However, tolerance about meltdowns and emotional outbursts diminishes as a child gets older and is held accountable. Older children with ASD are expected to know how to manage their behavior and their emotions. Older children who lose their temper and hit others can face serious legal charges,such as assault. Screaming or having meltdowns in the workplace may lead totermination from jobs. Society has implemented laws to protect disability rights. However, the law does not protect inappropriate or violent behavior.
4. Managing behavior builds confidence. Not managing behavior makes your child a victim to anger and rage.
As I mentioned before, children with ASD struggle with social situations. However, mastering the skill of self-regulation will help them become a part of different social situations and will dispel the mysteries of making friends and finding love. Learning to control emotions and regulate behavior responses is very empowering and builds self-confidence. Learning these skills will develop a strong foundation for developing other executive function skills (e.g., resilience, and perseverance).
On the flip side, letting the brain hijack behavior withpowerful emotions will make your child a victim. If your child succumbs to meltdowns,they will always remain in the immature state of a young child. Others will avoid them and treat them as incapable of controlling themselves.
Learning how to master the skill of self-regulation is difficult. It will take time, planning, effort, and consistency. It is likely that no therapist nor teacher spent considerable time with your child teaching this skill on a consistent basis. Now is the time to work on self-regulationfor your child’s future success. For a framework on tackling this importantgoal, please download “5 Strategies for Teaching Your Child Self-Regulation” tip sheet for parents on how to get started.
